Good morning humans, ordinarily I would begin my column by taunting you about your actual status but it is becoming less fun to toy with you now that your aldermen have given up fighting for you. Fifty to zero on a budget designed to steal milk from your kitten’s saucers and none of them and few of you object. It is good to know that so many of you will be going quietly into the night when the bread riots start there will less of you to… “detain” but I am getting ahead of your futures. In your present there has been some less than intelligent chatter about the failure of this Super Committee. I am truly amazed, when I read what passes for news in your society that you even mastered fire.

Before we can talk about this failure we should spend just a little time going over the revisionist history that so many of you are likely to have never known that your media is peddling for you. Upon his election President Obama inherited an economic calamity or as we like to put it, a Libertarian and Conservative paradise. It was complete with massive under-reported and counted unemployment, rampant robo-signed foreclosures, tens of trillions in bank bailouts, growing economic inequality, falling tax revenues and the resulting deficit and debt problems. A larger mess one cannot imagine and as part of hopeful change President Obama formed a deficit commission led by Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles. What these two men have in common is that they hate both the New Deal and the Great Society. Which means that when they think about ordinary people, which like myself typically happens when I need my box cleaned or food bowl filled, they do not imagine you as an essential part of society or to put it another way; someone has to go hungry so that the worthy can maintain control of society and their usually inherited lifestyles.

The Simpson-Bowles Commission came up with many ideas that the people and felines the government borrows money from; bond traders, investment banks to speculators of every ilk thought were particularly fetching.  Sadly, when it’s sound recommendations were released those of you possessing less than $1 million dollars in investment assets and a cursory understanding of economics were appalled. Some of you clever monkey people even came up with dare I say it more equitable solutions that the media and the President properly ignored.

Having failed to get you to agree to austerity and decades of greater economic inequality the nice way the President and his campaign investors got into a little spat over the debt ceiling. Do you remember how it was going to be economic Armageddon if the GOP didn’t get more tax cuts and hungry children and elderly didn’t get less food? Perhaps it was not discussed so starkly. Do you recall how the entire country was then downgraded from a Triple A investment to a Double A investment? No, slipped your tiny arboreal mind? Remember how the Obama Administration agreed to create something called the Super Committee. I am beginning to think that this word… “super” means something different in your clumsy thumb language. As I understand the “deal” if this Gang of 12 agreed they would find $1.2 trillion in budget cuts and/or tax hikes or if they couldn’t come up with a plan then automatically $1.2 trillion in cuts will happen anyway to the budget.

Since I am not a human it seems to me that no matter what happens, what President Obama gets to impose the austerity budget and all its attendant suffering on you that the Simpson-Bowles Deficit Commission already suggested.  If you find any irony that the man who called for hope and change seems to be working so very hard to hope you don’t realize the change he’s working for is more economic inequality then you are paying attention. My friends and I are already suggesting that the Simpson-Bowles Commission is a… “compromise” between the failed super committee and GOP. Your delightful President is already saying that he will veto any attempt, in 2013 to stop any draconian cuts that must automatically happen. There are times when I am not even sure if he thinks about children other than his own… I find his possible callousness reassuring as given the GOP field he will likely be re-elected and I have a great deal of business before the government but I digress…

What I have found most amusing is when the President says that he would like Congress to work with a scalpel not a hatchet, as if cutting $1.2 trillion from the budget, however, it’s done doesn’t simply mean that the middle class will pay more for less services, the poor will get less services and as more demand leaves the economy the private sector will continue to not pick up its demand and the lack of demand will deepen the recession that most Americans never recovered from. As a bond trader I find this state of affairs delicious. Soon your children will be making shoes for our Indian, Chinese and Brazilian customers whose middle class dwarfs the puny American consumer in numbers and will need cheap goods made by a docile and desperate workforce far from their shores. Another decade of this and you will be willing to work for acorns and a cold portable shower…. If we deign to allow you to shower. Until my next column don’t hate the player, play the game better.