by Don Washington on 2011/11/13
Welcome to Monday my arboreal wage slaves. Did you enjoy your commute to your task where you’ve not received a real raise in thirty years? I know I’m happy that your “governments” continue to borrow money from HNWI investors like myself instead of taxing us. Don’t know what a HNWI is? Surprised it’s not on your Sunday “news” programs? How charming. Last week I saw some of your reporters mewling about my campaign investment not providing you plebeians with information after promising to be… what is that abominable word; ah, transparent. I would taunt you on your naivety here but there is no need to drag that word through the mud. This is blatant and obvious stupidity. Transparency, I am still wondering how much more kitten-like you children can be.
First of all my campaign investment, Mayor Emanuel did not make it any easier to find out about lobbyists and city workers. It was always public information that took a trip to the Municipal Library. I find it not surprising that neither of the City Hall reporters at the Sun-Times or the Tribune knew this but that is why I am a feline American and you are a pack of hairless apes that we never should have trusted with the secret of fire… but that mistake is kibble out of the bowl, ancient history so to speak. What we are talking about now is power and you are not allowed to have any because it will corrupt you, absolutely. We, my fellow HNWI and our campaign investments, understand and are prepared to wield power so we will keep it for you and you will know what you need to know in order to fulfill your purposes… giving us more power and wealth.
We have generously placed publicly available information on-line and put it one place for you to enjoy "the most open, accountable and transparent government that the city of Chicago has ever seen." You should thank us and hurry back to the business of working longer hours, paying off your delicious student loans and hoping that we do not foreclose on your hovel instead of getting interested in matters, frankly beyond your kin and station. It’s embarrassing to hear you complaining about what Mayor Emanuel is doing. You cannot have Mayor Emanuel’s phone calls and e-mail requests. You cannot have inter-office e-mails, texts or anything else with his top aides. You may not know anything about what we are doing with World Business Chicago or how we, HNWI, helped our investment develop our plans for your pitiable “futures” and I am using that word ironically.
You cannot have the information because this is where decisions are made. To paraphrase Michael Corleone, your father’s way of doing things is over, it’s finished. We don’t care how much you understand about what “government” is doing but we do care a great deal about you understanding the new markets we are opening up with government. As my campaign investment recently said: "We have made a tremendous amount of information — as it relates to city government — public for the first time. We’ve provided online access to a mountain of public records: city contracts, crime statistics, lobbyists' client lists and tax incentives.”
Listen to what the man said and stay out of the affairs of your betters. You do not get know how we calculate the fungible number we give you in regards to deficit or who we’re consulting to raise fees for car stickers and water, to redesign your education, public safety and waste removal departments and making you pay for your disgusting canine slave- creatures. You don’t deserve to know what we are doing because the truth is that if you could comprehend what we have in mind it would send you into a depressive spiral. So for your own sake we will keep invoking extension periods, while getting your names so that we can pay proper attention to the “inquisitive” amongst you under-dwellers.
Our campaign investment does not have to talk to you and you will continue to hear that he is a pragmatic, energetic, financial genius who is reforming the city by bringing businesses to it and you will thank us for the information. Do as Chris Mather tells you and all will be as we wish it; some are beginning to call her the Mouth of Sauron; ah sticks and stones humans… sticks and stones. Leave Theresa Mintle alone, it’s our $6 billion dollars now and of course the government is not efficient enough to sort through 28,000 emails and 25,000 paper documents to redact information allowed to be kept secret under other exemptions in the law… it’s the government. But it can decide how you live your very lives; understand? Until I have time to “speak” with you again, don’t hate the player, play the game better.